Friday, December 9, 2011


When I think I'm going under
Part the waters, Lord.
When I feel the waves around me
Calm the sea.
When I cry for help
Oh hear me Lord
And hold out your hand.
Touch my life
Still the raging storm in me.

I was listening to this song yesterday and found great comfort in these words. The particular version I have blends these words with the words of another song:

I need thee every hour
Most gracious Lord
No tender voice like thine
Can peace afford
I need thee, oh I need thee
Every hour I need thee
Oh bless me now my saviour
I come to thee.

God is leading me through a season of trial and painful formation right now. In fact it might be more appropriate to call it a time of "de-formation" because he is stripping away many things, leading me to a point of utter dependence on him. It's not a pleasant process. I have doubted at times his love and kindness to me, because it has seemed to be in short supply. Thankfully he is big enough to handle my doubts and my cries of anguish. I don't think God has finished his work in me. I don't yet see the end of this valley and I don't yet understand what he is doing. Another song that speaks to my feelings comes from the Newsboys:

Lord I don't know where all this is going
And how it all works out.
Lead me to peace that is past understanding
A peace beyond all doubt.

Some would say (naively, in my opinion) that these trials indicate a lack of faith. On the contrary, James tells us that this is precisely what I should expect if God is working in me. That knowledge helps me hold on, although it doesn't make the process of de-formation and re-formation any more pleasant. I'm trying day by day to walk in faith, and I'm thankful for a few key friends who have provided needed support and encouragement along the journey.