No Longer Ashamed

On Thursday I watched in distress as “my” team, the German national football team, went down in agonizing defeat to the Italians in the UEFA Euro 2012 tournament. Although disappointed, I managed to make it through the remainder of the day and the following day without suffering severe emotional distress. There was a time when this would not have been the case – when a loss by a team I supported would make me irritable and cross for a day or more. Not only did seeing my team lose used to cause me anguish, I really hated the stigma of having sided with a loser. I didn't want to have to face even casual ribbing at the hands of those who supported the winning side. So often I would keep any allegiances I had to myself. That way I could at least avoid any negative treatment from those on “the other side.”

This behaviour extended not only to sports, but to most areas of life. For most of my life I have hesitated to openly take stands on issues for fear that I might offend someone. I want people to like me and I have always worried that in expressing an opinion someone disagrees with I will also incur their rejection of me as a person. I also feared committing myself to a cause or idea lest in the end it should fail to “win,” in whatever sense that might be understood. I have kept my opinions to myself in order that I would be likeable and in order to avoid conflict with others. Not any more.

I do not want to remain silent any longer. I do not want to live in fear of what others might think of me. I do not want to avoid expressing opinions and supporting people and causes because doing so might cause someone else offense. Yes, I want to be tactful and civil in my discourse, but I am learning to overcome my fear of rejection. As I reach midlife I am finally understanding that my identity and my worth do not rest in what others think of me. I do not require their approval. Some issues and causes are worth standing up for; too important for me to remain silent. I'm learning to listen to the voices of those outside the circles of power. I'm raising my voice in concert with those whose voices have been silenced far too long. I'm not the solution. I'm not a superhero who is going to single-handedly solve all the world's problems. But I can take a stand for those things I believe in and let myself be counted – even if it makes me unpopular in certain circles, even if it means I will be misunderstood and possibly even rejected.

Of course this isn't really about football or any other sport – although I apply it there as well in a willingness to affiliate myself with particular teams or athletes that I admire, regardless of their stature in others' eyes. Far more importantly it applies to speaking out and acting against injustice. For me it means standing up for the equality and dignity of women and others who have been silenced by society for too long. It means speaking out in favor of sustainable living and taking care of the creation God gave us. It means taking a stand on the side of immigrants and seeing them as fellow humans, and affirming actions that support and enhance the well-being of society's weakest and poorest. It means raising my questions about theology and Scripture and a host of issues related to the Church, no longer quietly acquiescing to the viewpoints of those around me.

I guess I've become an activist of sorts. I will use my voice and my words to advocate for those things I believe in, regardless of how others respond. I don't want to remain silent and in fear any longer. I don't want to live for the approval of others. I've done that for too long.

I'm okay with Germany's loss on Thursday. I'm learning to take a stand and not be ashamed.

Obamacare -- A Step in the Right Direction

When the law now commonly referred to as “Obamacare” was first debated more than two years ago, I was strongly opposed to it. I rejected as a matter of principle the idea of government involvement in healthcare. I did not think that the government could do anything to help the problems our country faces regarding affordability and availability of medical care to all. On the day the law passed Congress and was signed by President Obama I was attending a business meeting in England. An English colleague rejoiced at the news, while I expressed serious reservations and disappointment. She saw it as a small victory that our country finally took a step to providing medical coverage for all its citizens. After all, we were the one remaining major industrialized country that still did not do this. By European standards the healthcare situation in the United States was simply barbaric. Sure, they recognized that we have some of the best quality healthcare in the world, but for significant portions of our population this remained inaccessible due to costs. At the time I acknowledged the problems she pointed out but argued that Obamacare and government involvement in healthcare did not offer a helpful solution.

Today, when the Supreme Court upheld the healthcare act, I rejoiced. This obvious contradiction can be explained by the shift in my own viewpoint over the last couple years. This shift comes from my frustrations with skyrocketing healthcare costs and the lack of any other realistic proposal to begin addressing them. It comes also from my growing awareness of the growing number of people who either have no healthcare insurance or whose insurance premiums and costs are increasingly burdensome. My family would be in the latter category. Thankfully we do have health insurance, but each year our premiums climb and I can only mitigate that climb by continuing to increase our annual deductible. Our health insurance premium alone takes a serious bite out of our pay each month and there is not a thing I can do to reduce it. Even with that insurance available to us we avoid going to the doctor unless we really have to because the deductible costs us so much. But again, we are fortunate in that we at least have some type of coverage.

I recognize now that enacting this law is a matter of justice. It is a matter of making sure that the most disadvantaged members of our society do not fall through the cracks. Those opposed to Obamacare will raise all sorts of arguments against it. They will rail against the growing infringement of government on our lives. They will discuss the political impact and a multitude of other issues. But as this article from Sojourners points out, for believers these shouldn't be the main issues. As Jim Wallis, the author of the article states:

“Our bottom line is different. We don't start with politics, but rather with how these decisions affect real people.”

As God's people we should be raising our voices in defense of those who are left behind by our economic system. We should be looking after those in need. We should not leave them at the mercy of an impersonal market economy. The market economy, despite its strong advocates in the conservative political ranks, is not going to solve the healthcare problems we face. The market economy doesn't look out for the outcasts of society. It chews them up, tramples them down and grinds them to dust. We should be doing all we can to counteract that. It's not a perfect solution by any means, but this healthcare act takes us a step in the right direction.

I am not familiar with all the provisions of the act but from what I understand, as someone who already has insurance, the impact on me will be minimal. In fact it may be positive, if it can begin to reign in rising costs. I am pleased by many provisions of the act such as those described in this chart.

I no longer share the fear of the government compelling us to buy health insurance. In fact I do not understand why we tolerate requirements to purchase insurance for our vehicles but vehemently resist any suggestion that we be required to carry insurance for our health. Where are our priorities?

I'm open to changes and improvements in this law, but I think that lobbying for its repeal would be a huge step backward. I would love to hear some meaningful proposals from those who oppose this act. I don't consider healthcare savings accounts to be a viable option, because they require that you actually have money to invest in them in the first place. Even if I were freed entirely from my monthly insurance premiums and put that entire amount in an HSA, an unlikely possibility, I could easily be bankrupted by a serious medical problem. So if you oppose Obamacare, bring some real suggestions to the table, suggestions that look out for the most needy and disadvantaged in our society. I'd love to hear some suggestions that see medical care as something other than a for-profit business. But I suppose that in suggesting this I mark myself already as radical. I'm okay with that, because I think we need some radical new ideas. I don't think Obamacare is the final solution, but I do believe that it is a step in the right direction.

Even Superheros Can't Do Everything

While watching the movie Hancock with my children the other night – an entertaining though not outstanding anti-superhero movie – I thought to myself that I would not want to be a superhero. It seems to me that, regardless of one's superpower, the hero can never really counteract all the evil in the world. I don't know of a superhero who can simultaneously be in multiple places, yet evil acts occur all the time in places near and far. So how is a superhero to choose which events to respond to and which ones to ignore? If I had superpowers, this dilemma could potentially paralyze me. At the very least it would leave me with enormous feelings of guilt because for every good deed I accomplished I would know that there were any number of other potential good deeds I couldn't do.

Although I am not a superhero, I still wrestle with this dilemma. I am aware of far more situations where I would like to help than I can possibly respond to. I don't have the physical, financial, time or other resources to do all the good deeds that I would like to. I try not to let this paralyze me, choosing to do that which I am able rather than throwing up my hands in despair, but at times the burden of what I wish I could do but can't does weigh on my mind. In some degree I wish I were a superhero so that perhaps I could at least increase my ability to do good in this world.

When I feel this burden of my limitations, perhaps it would benefit me to think again of Jesus. Although he was God and had potentially all the powers of his deity (godness) available to him, when he walked the earth he to some degree limited those powers. Although he healed many people, he didn't heal them all, neither those who were physically near at hand nor those at a distant. Was he aware of the sufferings of people outside of the place he was at any given moment? Did the injustices of the world weigh on him as he walked the dusty roads? Did the limitations of his humanity place a heavy burden on his mind and spirit? I don't see a clear answer to these questions in the Bible. What I do see is Jesus responding to some needs but not all. Surely he does not ask more of us than he himself was able to do.

Confronted with my own limitations I should also remember that I am not alone. I am not the only one who can respond to the needs of the world, not the only one who can speak out against injustice and offer healing and comfort to the wounded and suffering. This job is not mine alone. The body of Christ known as the Church has been called to this task. In some areas the Church responds quite well. We give very generously to meet certain needs. Unfortunately others remain hidden, unknown or simply unpopular. I think of the response much of the evangelical church in America had when AIDS first came on the scene. Rather than demonstrating compassion and care, some chose to judge and condemn. Thankfully we have seen improvement in this, although I still see too many instances where AIDS sufferers are treated as pariahs, responsible for their own misfortune. This is only one example. When it comes to suffering, need, injustice and other expressions of evil in the world, is it the place of the Church to judge whether those enduring evil “deserve” it or not? Or should we simply do all we can to defeat evil where possible and where not possible to at the very least offer comfort and assistance to its victims?

I don't want to be a person who lives content in his own little world, oblivious and unconcerned about the needs around me and the injustice in the world. I cannot respond to all of it, but I can respond to some of it. I can ask God to lead me by the Spirit to know where and how I should act. I can regularly evaluate my use of my time, energy, finances and other resources and ask where I might give more. Then, when I have done that which I am able to do, I need to leave the other things to God and not feel the pressure to be a superhero. Because even superheros can't address all the evil in the world.

Watercolor Ponies

The ringing of the alarm slowed penetrated my sleep-heavy mind. Despite the early hour I quickly climbed out of bed because I knew this was not a morning on which I had the luxury of pressing the snooze button, even at 3 AM. To make the flight on time, we didn't have the luxury of extra moments of sleep.

Usually I am the one getting ready to catch a flight. But today I would be staying home and my daughter would be the one taking wing. My job was simply to get her out of bed in time to travel with her aunt and uncle to the airport. This would be her first big trip apart from her mother and I. Was she ready? Perhaps more importantly, were we ready? Sure she had been off to summer camp a couple of times, but this time she would be traveling some legs of her journey completely on her own, navigating new airports, having to catch flights on time and connect with family friends at her destination who had graciously agreed to pick her up and deliver her to her aunt and uncle again (a complicated story, involving different flights and an international border.) She's quite experienced at international travel, but she's never really had to travel on her own. I admit to being a bit nervous. I'm pretty sure her mother was as well.

Despite our nervousness, I can safely say that both her mother and I are also delighted. We are delighted because we see our daughter growing more and more independent. The past couple years have been really rough ones for her for reasons that I shall not go into here. Last year she had to negotiate the adjustment to American culture (having lived most of her life outside of the country) at the same time as she had to learn the ways of American high school life. It took her some time, but she has thrived and flourished. Last summer we would have hesitated strongly about sending her off on her own, even if it were to visit family, because she was not at a place to undertake such a journey. This year she is. And for that we are very glad.

She'll turn sixteen this summer. She just got her driver's permit a couple weeks ago. (Unlike most teens, she has no eagerness to begin driving.) Sometimes I wonder how she reached this point. How did we reach this point? Surely I can't be old enough to have a 16-year-old daughter? Can we really be looking at her graduation from high school in two short years?

They tell you when you're a young parent that those childhood years pass quickly. You nod politely and acknowledge the truth of this statement, while not really comprehending it. Some days when they're young you wonder if they will ever grow up fast enough. Even when they hit their teens you sometimes wonder if they will ever grow up. But time rolls persistently onward and one day you find yourself with a 16-year-old who is heading out the door to travel without you. And the thought leaves you glad and sad at the same time. Being a parent is full of many such bittersweet moments.

Wayne Watson sang a song years ago entitle Watercolor Ponies that comes to mind at moments like these. Referring to the drawings made by children that decorate the walls or refrigerator doors of every parent, the chorus goes:

Baby what will we do, when it comes back to me and you?

They look a little less like like boys [girls] every day.

Oh the pleasure of watching the children growing

Is mixed with the bitter cup

Of knowing the watercolor ponies

Will one day ride away.

Travel well my beloved daughter. Enjoy yourself and know that you will be missed and loved every moment you are gone.

[Out of respect for my daughter's privacy I do not add any pictures of her to accompany today's post.]

Serve Humbly in Love

While reading Galatians 5 recently, I noticed a theme repeated clearly throughout the chapter. In verse 6 we read:


“The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”


In verse 13 we read:


“Do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”


This thought continues into verse 14:


“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'”


Finally in verse 22 we are introduced to the famous “fruit of the Spirit.” 


“But the fruit of the Spirit is love...”


A friend of mine argues that there is in fact only one fruit: love. All the other attributes or characteristics listed are expressions flowing from that primary quality of love. 


Are you catching the theme here? It seems amazingly clear what God asks of us and what God most highly values. Living in step with the Spirit (to reference verse 25), means living in love.


I'm not saying that doing this is easy. In fact it can be the hardest thing of all to do. When Jesus told us to love our enemies, he wasn't telling us that doing so would come naturally or easily. But it strikes me that of all the attributes and characteristics that should mark followers of Jesus, demonstrating love stands out as the clear forerunner.


Rather than calling for the Ten Commandments to be posted in our courts, schools and who-knows-where-else, we would do better to remind ourselves of the basic command of Jesus repeated here: “love your neighbor as yourself.” As Jesus says, this along with the command to love God with all our hearts, souls and minds, sums up all of the law. We don't need a bunch of regulations to judge one another. We need to look into ourselves and ask God to help us live with greater love.


I can't imagine we couldn't go too wrong by living out the injunction of verse six.


Serve one another humbly in love.


Let that be the hallmark of God's people and I think we'd see a radically different society.

The Gay Agenda

In the media, particularly the conservative and Christian media, we often hear criticism of the “gay agenda” and the “gay lifestyle.” What exactly are these and should we really be afraid of them? In this video I came across recently LZ Granderson takes a humorous, thought-provoking look at these two phrases and what they look like in reality. 






Not so long ago I would have been among those who spoke out against the threat of the “gay agenda” and decried the “gay lifestyle.” As my views transition, I see that my response arose from my fear of the unknown. I painted the homosexual community with a broad brush so that I could demonize (or “other”) and thus disregard them. It's much easier to ignore, reject, dehumanize or mistreat a group of people if you can simply lump them all into a category, paste a label on it and then associate that label with all sorts of negative and undesirable connections. So the “gay agenda” obviously seeks to overthrow all that is good and decent in American culture. The “gay lifestyle” obviously promotes debauchery of kinds that are scarcely imaginable (although Hollywood seems to try harder every year to make sure we can in fact imagine it).


This video pointed out clearly one thing that I have come to understand. To the extent that one can speak of a “gay agenda,” it is simply that those in the GLBT community deserve equal treatment before the law. Whether I agree with their lifestyle or not is irrelevant. Our constitution affirms the equality of people. Unfortunately it took us 100 years to begin to apply that to black people – a process still going on – and longer than that for women, which is also still an on-going process. What about GLBT people should exclude them from this same equality? Do they really threaten my identity, my lifestyle or my culture that seriously that they should not be treated equally? I don't think so. It is probably an overused comparison, although it has been and is reality in other parts of the world, but what if those who hold power should decide someday that being a Christian was aberrant and Christians should not receive equal treatment under the law? We can't ask for that which we are not willing to extend to others.


What do you think after watching this video? What was your perception of the “gay lifestyle” and the “gay agenda” prior to and after watching this?

A Divine Wretch

In the past year I've experienced more days of discouragement and depression than of encouragement and joy. I've questioned my purpose in life and wondered whether I had accomplished anything of value in my work of the last ten years. I doubted whether I had anything worth offering to God and the world. It's been a dark time, the most difficult period I have experienced in all my years of life.


Ever so slowly I am emerging from that darkness, finding renewed focus and purpose in life and, along with that, reinvigorated joy and passion. This week I started teaching in a summer program focused on phonetics and language and culture learning skills for people preparing to work in cross-cultural situations. The course is conducted virtually, so I do not have the opportunity to interact in person with my students. This brings with it definite challenges, although it also allows me to tailor my instruction to the specific needs and situation of each individual better than I could in a classroom setting. After a day spent in back-to-back Skype sessions I felt worn out by evening, but at the same time I was wonderfully invigorated. I love teaching. I love working with the students. I enjoy using the talents and skills I have along with the experienced I have gained living and working cross-culturally for the past ten years. I take delight in knowing that through my teaching I can help others enter their new roles better prepared and therefore experience greater success and deeper satisfaction in their lives and work. I believe that my small role in teaching them can help them to thrive in their cross-cultural contexts.


When I go through dark periods such as I have experienced over the past year, my theological background becomes a weight that adds to the downward spiral. I was raised in a theological tradition that emphasizes the depravity of humans. Confronted with personal questions about my value and worth, I hear the voices that remind me that of course I have no value. I am worthless. I am a dirty rotten sinner who deserves nothing other than God's scorn and wrath. This view emphasizes my worthlessness in order to increase the focus on God's holiness, grace and mercy and the unique act of Jesus in redeeming someone like me. As the classic hymn says: “Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.”  When I'm doubting my own worth, I don't really need to be reminded of my wretchedness. But that's the message that most often repeats in my mind, because I have heard it so often in sermons and read it in books.


At one point in my life I would have said that this view of humanity, the emphasis on our fallenness, was the only biblical doctrine of humanity. Any other perspective, and I seldom heard of any, obviously failed to appreciate the gravity of The Fall and therefore cheapened God's grace and holiness. Yet, as I've read more widely in theology, interacted more with people from different christian and non-christian backgrounds and reflected on the Scriptures in light of my own experience, I see that the message of human worthlessness isn't the only message in the Book. There's a strong theme of our inherent worth as children of God, as people that God created in their image. While some theological viewpoints see only the fallenness of humanity, others choose to emphasize the divine element that remains within us. Yes, this spark needs the power of God in the resurrection of Jesus, working in our lives through the Holy Spirit, to fully flame again, but the spark has not been fully extinguished. Although fallen, we are still divine beings, with inestimable value and worth because of who we resemble and to whom we belong. Another song, of which I remember very little, quoted God as saying “This one is born in Zion. Make no mistake, this one is mine.”


Both of these perspectives coexist in Scripture. We ignore one or the other at our own peril. Focus too strongly on the divine and we may come to think that we don't need redemption and transformation. But focus too strongly on the fallenness and we may come to believe that we are so worthless that God couldn't possibly be interested in us. Given my inclination to self-deprecation, I need to be reminded of my worth as God's child. I don't need to keep being told how worthless I am. I've got that one figured out pretty well, thank you. I am learning to embrace who I am in Jesus, to celebrate the me that God has created, and whom God is in the process of renewing and transforming, not because the base model is inherently deficient, but God wants to bring me to that glorious state in which I was originally conceived and created. I am fallen, redeemed and divine all at the same time. I am a divine wretch.


Kathy Escobar wrote a great piece on this topic a while back. I encourage you to read it.